"White people problems"

"I was hanging out last night with a friend who is a psychologist who explained that desire is like a muscle. When people don't masturbate for a while they lose the urge to masturbate, like losing the urge for water as you dehydrate. I didn't know people lost the urge for water when they were dehydrated. We were at a spontaneous dinner party, five of us just dropping by two friend's place. How often does this happen anymore? Never. Even the children, someone said, text, and call, and make Facebook dates, and don't even show up. Just stopping by is a beautiful thing. 

Our friends had made some pasta with pesto and salad and they put on some more pasta. We talked about writing. Five of us were primarily writers, two of us were involved in careers more interesting. Someone talked about getting in the habit of being alone with her thoughts to unpack her experiences. That was how she lived her life. She mentioned a family member who spent all of his time with other people, organizing. It was only from their interaction that she realized how strange her life was. Of course talking about the practice of writing there was an obvious comparison to the practice of masturbation.

 

Then someone said that many problems were born of priveledge. If you're in a war zone, for example, you don't think about how your weird mother fucked you up. You're concerned with the bombs falling. Which made me think of the term, "White people problems." I hate that term. It's a term that was interesting for a moment, a statement on socio-economics. Then it became a term of indifference, a reason not to care about other people. Kurt Cobain, for example, was killed by white people problems. 

Then a writer said she worried she didn't read enough books. What was she really talking about? I think she meant she wasn't living up to her ideal self. She felt guilty. She felt unhealthy. We were talking about the internet. About click click click. The psychologist explained healthy interactions with bad habits. Something about creating parameters for yourself and then forgiving yourself when you didn't follow them. And I wondered where the line was. I thought maybe the internet had nothing to do with it. Let's say, for example, you bite your nails, and you have a routine that it's harder and harder to break out of, and you're worried that you spend too much time online. Well, the problem isn't that you spend too much time online. You might have an unhealthy relationship with the internet, but the internet isn't the problem. You're the problem.

Love,

stephen"

I've been hiding away for too long. I should be making that 'mess on a page'. Stephen Elliot brings me back to life. I read blogs with envy. I skim twitter wearing a frown. This girl makes my breath. The sun is finally shining and drying the pavement like a cracked face.

I should probably go running. I'd rather use the time to write instead of fear the unhealthy. As a consequence, I'm still at work glued to the screen in case any words of glory appear. Just in case one of those smile to yourself moments occur.

Check out Stephen Elliot, he's delightful. His emails make my day.