'Have
you ever heard a tree fall in the forest? When you make something and no one
responds it’s the silence that mimics the scream. In a perfect world you can
separate the art from the audience. In a certain relationship you have an
audience of one and that’s more than enough. But in truth...
Well,
it’s true when I say I write to find out how I feel about things. I write to
explore. I create from play, or to untangle a series of knots that have formed
a rope that is choking me to death. In other words, it’s possible to know and
not know something at the same time. To know someone loves you and to not
believe they love you. And it’s also true that art needs audience the way the
ocean needs waves.'
Thursday 27 December 2012
Saturday 1 December 2012
Times are changing
This morning I woke up in a panic. I woke up at 9am.
It felt like a miracle. To sleep in that long on a Saturday is a luxury, usually I wake hours earlier.
An ounce of coffee sent me flying this morning, I thought I was sensitive to the caffeine. A marvelous friend was staying with me and whilst I was running about the flat saying 'I feel all arghhhruuhhhh' whilst wiggling my hands in front of myself, she said 'maybe you're just happy?!'
That was exactly it. I felt panic because it was Saturday. I felt lucky to have a weekend. I felt lucky to wake up and wonder what to do with the day. It felt light, it felt open, it felt very please yourself. I'm a restless nightmare but lately I've got a lot better at sitting down, staying still and just saying 'ahhhh'. It's felt so good to relax! I've slobbed in front of the tv, I've eaten a lot of chocolate (currently eating a chocolate Lindt Santa as I type :) ) and I'm able to eat whatever the hell I want without physically being in pain. Life is becoming a lot stress free. WOW!
It's almost like discovering food for the very first time, things were once black and white and now they are saturated with colour. Textures and smells zing and come alive - I'm not distracting myself as much anymore. My action plans are working and things are on the up. Today I began Christmas shopping and even bought a couple of mini things for myself: a £2 lipstick, hair grips and hair spray - silly things which actually make you feel awesome and 'ooo I'll try that' often makes a difference to your day. I walked around without my head phones, I wasn't trying to block out the world. Exploring around the shops I felt at leisure - I cannot wait to pass these gifts on once the day comes!
Later a few friends and I are going out for drinks in Brixton Dogstar. I can't wait to have a shower, put some great music on, I'm going to sing about the flat, make some stupid faces in the mirror and have fun arranging clothes and make up for the evening. It's going to be so nice to have a giggle and a dance :D
Enjoy your Saturday
p.s I just bit Santa's head off
It felt like a miracle. To sleep in that long on a Saturday is a luxury, usually I wake hours earlier.
An ounce of coffee sent me flying this morning, I thought I was sensitive to the caffeine. A marvelous friend was staying with me and whilst I was running about the flat saying 'I feel all arghhhruuhhhh' whilst wiggling my hands in front of myself, she said 'maybe you're just happy?!'
That was exactly it. I felt panic because it was Saturday. I felt lucky to have a weekend. I felt lucky to wake up and wonder what to do with the day. It felt light, it felt open, it felt very please yourself. I'm a restless nightmare but lately I've got a lot better at sitting down, staying still and just saying 'ahhhh'. It's felt so good to relax! I've slobbed in front of the tv, I've eaten a lot of chocolate (currently eating a chocolate Lindt Santa as I type :) ) and I'm able to eat whatever the hell I want without physically being in pain. Life is becoming a lot stress free. WOW!
It's almost like discovering food for the very first time, things were once black and white and now they are saturated with colour. Textures and smells zing and come alive - I'm not distracting myself as much anymore. My action plans are working and things are on the up. Today I began Christmas shopping and even bought a couple of mini things for myself: a £2 lipstick, hair grips and hair spray - silly things which actually make you feel awesome and 'ooo I'll try that' often makes a difference to your day. I walked around without my head phones, I wasn't trying to block out the world. Exploring around the shops I felt at leisure - I cannot wait to pass these gifts on once the day comes!
Later a few friends and I are going out for drinks in Brixton Dogstar. I can't wait to have a shower, put some great music on, I'm going to sing about the flat, make some stupid faces in the mirror and have fun arranging clothes and make up for the evening. It's going to be so nice to have a giggle and a dance :D
Enjoy your Saturday
p.s I just bit Santa's head off
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