2014 is national anxiety year.
I remember a time when I would wake up and think 'oh my god I have to get up now'. It felt like a pile of bricks had fallen on my head. I was too afraid to move. Whilst In the shower I could see peaks of south east London popping through the window. There was a world out there about to eat me up. Anytime with myself was a nightmare. A voice, this voice- a constant 'something bad is going to happen', stomach in knots and fear that all I loved around me was going to disappear. This feeling continued everyday for months and months and months.
Do you know that feeling, a jolt you get when you're about to fall over? A game we played when 'hanging out' in our home town road was when we would stand on the edge of the kerb, eyes closed and our friend would tell a story. Eventually the man in the story would fall- at this point our friend would push us so when we stepped off the curb. It was as if we were falling down a 'cliff'. Anxiety feels like this for every minute of the day. Paranoid.
It's taken so long to manage. Even leaving the house for work became a chore, a dread. A 'I have to face the world today' sign that I had to do something about it or die. No-one can go on feeling like that forever, otherwise it might manifest into complicated side effects: alcoholism, OCD, eating disorders- anything to gain control.
We all have our ways, methods we use to cope with things. Perhaps anxiety is the bodies natural and strange way to keep us going- if we didn't have that would we shut down entirely to protect ourselves?
Anxiety and depression is a tricky thing, though whilst its happening please don't judge the person and think they need to pull it together. It's an illness hard to see, but once you understand it life can get clearer for all.
It's easier to judge. Harder to understand. I know which one I'd pick.
