Round 2 of 'That cake had consequence'

Hi all!

Welcome to ‘That cake had consequence’. I suppose you’re all wondering why I’m introducing myself again? I’ve finally updated the about me section to truly represent my reason for writing. I can’t hide these thoughts and feelings anymore as the desire to talk about mental health is just too prominent to ignore!

I love to write, I love creation, development and sharing ideas. For me though I find that actually getting around to making a post and blogging about something I find interesting (and even adding a few sentences) tends to be a problem. I can’t get my thoughts out. I can’t concentrate! I’m trying to balance a full time job and maintain everything else us humans tend to preoccupy ourselves with! I know full well why I struggle, even right now I’m hesitant to type these words, given the consequences they may bring. Who will be reading this? Who is going to react?

As mentioned in my previous post, I’m the one who’s been in self doubt about what I have wanted to do for ages. I’m the one who has lost out. I’m the one who... wants to talk about depression and I NEVER have the balls to. I’m hiding away behind a screen right now.

‘That cake had consequence’ is a place for me, a place for you and for anyone who wants to come here for solace, or at least to gain an idea of what it’s like to experience lets say, mental trauma... (too harsh a phrase to justify its explanation?!), mental illness? Mental whosawhatty?!... These days if you bring up anything along the lines of stress and mental instability you’re immediately judged as unreliable.

Perhaps I’ve finally found the balls to share (in a few days I can't be thinking 'oh bugger'), given what I’ve achieved myself. I've started a new career, I pay my bills on time and am not the typical twenty something in overdrafts and credit card bills (though this seems to be most 'adults' these days too, damn economy). I've not got myself into any real danger and without trying to sound like a hypocrite, I feel like I’ve proven to those I need to that it is possible to hold things together. It’s possible to gain trust and to work full time. It is possible to carry on and not hide away.

I just don’t want anyone to feel alone anymore. I think working in a corporate environment has taught me a lot about the impressions we make compared to the real impressions we want to give. There’s SUCH a massive difference, I must admit even after a year I’m still holding back slightly.

After reading a piece by Stephen Elliot and seeing that 'you have to go all the way, otherwise there's no point’ it really hit me that I’m going to have to go all the way with my writing and with my mental health. Writing for me is one of the few things which helps me get through ‘things’, it helps me cope with myself! It sounds very extreme but after becoming so aware of mental illness, stress, corporate environments and working with those who often over drink/eat to cope with workload in hope of de-stressing (compare this working environment to shopping on Oxford Circus, scary!) how could anyone argue that publicly writing a mental health blog is going to cause anymore harm? ...I think I’m prepared to challenge the trust and judgements of those who know me, of those who find this and start to question my stability. After all, this is why mental health is such a taboo topic. I can’t hide behind closed doors anymore. I've decided I can't even hide behind a computer screen. We have to come clean, who knows we all might end up better off. I'm proud to put my name to this blog, even if it helped at least one person.

Feedback, letters, comments,-anything is truly welcome. I’m open to the harsh and pleasant reality from my peers. If I'm hiding don't I become a taboo topic as well?!

 

Here goes.